I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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