Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
