why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
