there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
