PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
