I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
