Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
