i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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