Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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