Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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