Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
