Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
