it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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