Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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