One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Couch. On fire.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
