he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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