this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
