Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
