I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
literally had 100 drinks last night.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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