Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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