fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
