I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
