I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
