i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
