My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
