I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
