Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
