This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
