hotel room ftw
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
