Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
