i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
