Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
