I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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