I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
