she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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