you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
