You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
