Walk of Shame. In a state park.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish i was in the wii world.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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