Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
