I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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