I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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