she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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