I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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