I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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