i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
