On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
