She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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