my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Two words: blizzard sex
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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