I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
