Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
