I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
