Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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