No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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