Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
