weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
